1st January 2014, Chennai.
New Year was probably an important date for a lot of people. I can imagine a lot of people making resolutions to quit smoking, quit drugs or at least hold off drinking for maybe a week or so until the inevitable give-up. For me, that was the day he made the resolution to change his life — by not having me in it. So January 1 became an important date for me too, because while I was at home on my vacation, my parents gave me a New Year’s resolution: “Stop crying so much.” — Be a big girl!!!
I squatted down on my chocolate couch crushed my pink pillow with my hands. I took my black ink pen with my dairy lined with red and black lines highlighted with initials “S” & ”Y” my fingers were sensing the initials ,Just then a tear drop running down my cheek. I was struck in an explosion of thoughts about him, our relationship and more it was like a fast rewind of my seven years of life in a second. I was shattered with my past during my present on how would I live without him in future. Even my radio was enhancing my mood with the song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”.
Beep!! My phone rang, it was the customer service for the extension of my night calling with New Year plans, and I was disconnected and kept the call down crushing my pillow and forcing my pen towards my dairy. It is worse to have smoky eyes with all the smudged kajal around the eyes. My hands were sweating with cold shivers down my spine.
In a second I heard the thunk and ritu sneaked in my room of agony and depression, she took me in her arms and gave me some soothing words to come back to normal. It was a New Year celebration all around the place.
A popular line resonated in me “Crying over a guy”Naah pick you head up princes your tiara is falling!!!!
I randomly picked my phone and changed all my digital life statuses as “BE SINGLE” “STAY SINGLE.”
I had a hot shower, put over some glittery makeup to hide away all my dark circled eyes in a new avatar and bumped into her car. I was searching some hangout spot. It was an hour drive to the spot and we are a group of five. A bucket of likes and comments popped for my status with some annoying comments celebrating my status.
Slowly my hair was in rapport with the wind, I was sitting in the left corner when ritu was driving the rest of the drama queens were discussing about their stuff and my heart was feeling isolated with the mess I made in my life and I slipped my brain to the tale of blue .“We, never existed.” The words kept replaying over and over, until I was on the brink of disgust. My throat was about to explode with the vile mixture of anger and frustration coming up, but yet, I kept it in. It hurts. “Why?! Why must you do this to me? What have I done wrong?!” I shouted, as we were in front of my home. He says it so calmly; it irritates me under my skin that his face was all full on with breaking up, basically showing no sympathy. IT’S OVER FOREVER, I opened the door, and slammed it on his face, I don’t care if he was hit, or he comes up to my room saying he’s sorry, I want him to disappear, disappear from my world. “I have reasons, Srii, I don’t love you from the first day we started our relationship few years back. I don’t want you.” His words cut me deep like a sharp knife. I ran up my room, my present that was given from him sitting on my desk, the gift I was making for him on New Year’s Eve, the accessories he gifted me , the photos of us, together. I ripped them off my wall, grabbed a garbage bag and shoved the gifts and memories all into it until it was all tight and ripping. “Have them back!” I yelled, and threw the bag with all my might out of my window; he stumbled with the weight, including the anger I have. My eyes burn and my chest kept being tighter, my tears couldn’t stop flowing. The heat on my face is hot. I cried, and he stood there, Hearing my pathetic sobs. I want him gone.
The tears continue to flow, warm tears shed from my tired eyes that lost its glow. A Crack remains in my heart forever, the fragment of resentment and despair. The happy times we had together, the smiles, the laughter, but his three words kept slicing through.
I shared to ritu, my love was full of life and color was never dull or quiet. We had a beautiful beginning and a wonderful middle sadly however we are now apart. I Forget I have to forget him now.
Ritu was catching my palm and consoling me with the bottle of drink, and told it’s quoted by a great man ‘Let your tears come. Let them clean your soul’.
The break was applied swiftly applied me and ritu hit the tree and we had injuries I was in losing my consciousness and my eyes turned heavy as stones and we both landed in a pool of blood with the wet sensation on my cold body………………………